11-28-09 I have been pondering the way my mother would give anything she had to someone if she felt a person had need of it. I remember feeling indignant, thinking that it was she who needed the item, and she who was being victimized by conniving forces.

The older I get, the better I understand what , back then, appeared incomprehensible to me. I am slowly learning that it is truly more satisfying to give than to receive (even if it is difficult to part with items one hasn’t used in years). So why does it take us so long to realize things like this?

The older I get, the commercialism of the holiday season bothers me more and more. This Thanksgiving weekend, as shoppers greedily swarm stores for the best bargains available, I once again find myself disturbed by the gross materialism of it all. Perhaps the older I get, the more aware I am of many who have not. It seems so incongruous that a nation such as ours, a nation that is reputed to be one of the wealthiest, can harbor hungry…and homeless…and those who cannot afford medical care in its midst. Appalling living conditions exist on Indian reservations, in Appalachia, and in city slums. How can a nation of wealth allow such grievous adversity to go unchecked? How can we daily expend exorbitant amounts on unnecessary items that simply crowd our homes while fellow citizens starve and die in our midst?

Therefore, I have decided to begin a mission. When daily newscasts recount grave stories everywhere, and television ads prey on the viewer’s “need” for all they offer, I find myself looking at my own home and possessions with different eyes. How can I live more simply? My mother was constantly “weeding out” and “pitching.” I think I’m beginning to get it. Perhaps by simplifying my life materialistically, I will be able to grow spiritually. Perhaps then I will be able to enjoy the true spirit of the holiday season – not only at Thanksgiving and Christmas but every day throughout the year.

11-11-09 How little time we – or at least I – spend reflecting on God’s work in our lives! As I sat in church this past Sunday, I thought of three moments from the previous week that seemed to have God’s handwriting on them. A friend wrote to ask if I knew of a lawyer that might provide some assistance, and before I could respond to this message, another e-mail came through from an attorney who was seeking to help! Another friend could not get her car started and had to have it towed for service, but she didn’t have the money to pay for repairs. It turned out that the car had been completely out of gas, and her insurance company would reimburse her for towing! Finally, I had been slacking on a creative writing project. As I looked through my collection of writing, I found a couple of pieces I’d written and forgotten about that had merit. It was the impetus I’d needed to get going again. God is good.

I have been recognizing that I know a number of individuals who are experiencing trials right now. One friend is caring for an aging parent. Another has a sibling who is very ill who is hoping to receive a liver transplant. Another has had a recurrence of cancer. Still another works in a small office in which the daily drama and personalities involved often make it difficult to stay upbeat. An elderly friend is lonely and wants her life to end. Yet, my life – at least for now – seems to have remained relatively unaffected by personal turmoil. Why? Luke 12:48 is the only quote that immediately comes to mind: “…from everyone who has been given much shall much be required….” Touch me, Lord. Show me. Direct me. Lead me to where I can do the most good.

11-3-09 The other day I was reading an article in Guideposts that referenced National Public Radio’s project called Story Corps. This is a program that travels the country, allowing individuals to interview someone of significance to them and then the radio interview is archived for posterity. The article mentioned some questions that NPR suggests in order to accomplish a successful interview. The questions were:
· What was the happiest moment of your life?
· Of what are you most proud?
· What are the most important lessons you have learned in life?

I started thinking about and wondering how I would answer these questions.

I don’t remember many times in my life where I would describe myself as “happy.” Two scenarios came to mind. I always looked forward to visiting my aunt’s and uncle’s house, especially at holiday time when there were a lot of relatives around. It was always a safe and warm place to be, a haven where I felt loved, and where I basked in the glow of being surrounded by family. The other thought that came to mind was similar in setting, though years later. I met and visited the family of a man with whom I was close. They embraced me immediately and, again, I felt that wonderful warmth of love and acceptance. As an only child, and especially after my father died, I often felt isolated and alone. It makes sense to me that moments like the ones I just described would become significant ones.

Of what am I most proud? I have spent most of my life feeling inadequate, never, ever seeming to be “good enough” for whatever situation was upon me at the time. Yes, I graduated from high school, and then from college. I even stuck it out long enough with state employment to be able to retire and collect a pension. I completed a program in massage therapy. Yes, all of these are good things. But I have always been a “Jill of all trades, master of none.” I have never become proficient at any one thing, and have changed jobs many more times than I care to count. Several years ago I became involved with a prison ministry program through my church. That, and continuing a friendship with two prisoners I met during that time, may be what makes me feel most proud. It was hard to get up in front of a group of prisoners and lead part of a service. I can’t sing…and yet I did – in front of those prisoners. And the two with whom I have maintained contact? Well, I know they both respect me, and appreciate the fact that I take time for them. It has been in this venue I have felt I’ve made the most difference.

What are the most important lessons I have learned?
· Do not hold onto anger. It eats away at a person, and deprives that person of having a richer and more fulfilling life. I have witnessed the toll it takes.
· Treat all people with compassion and with dignity. I believe that every person has something good inside of him or her, and some people merely need a listening ear to draw them out and let someone see the goodness within.
· It is better to try and fail, than never to try at all. I have spent much of my life being afraid to try. It is not productive, and doesn’t make a person feel good about him or herself.
· Love. Touch. Connection. These are vital to health and productivity. Expressing your feelings, and hearing another’s, are so very necessary to feel alive. Protecting yourself from pain or rejection merely disconnects you from the vitality and joy of life itself. A love in my past once wrote me that “if, in giving you love I caused pain, you know you are alive. Knowing that…you may live with fullness…when you are lost and lonely. Remember that to be loved even briefly, is to be loved forever.” Young love, wise words.