3-20-10 How do you get a mentor? Do you choose a mentor? Or does the mentor choose you? Do you have to ask their permission to have them as your mentor? Can you have a mentor without that person ever knowing it? What makes a mentor?

I have often felt cheated because there was never anyone who stood out in my life for any length of time that I longed to emulate. Sadly, looking back, I now know that it was only I who was cheating myself. As a teenager, I had closed down, devastated when my father died. I’d felt abandoned. I had no one, and I was unwilling to trust anyone new. As l look back, there were people along the way who tried to help. One was an aunt who was also a nun and guidance counselor. She tried to help with interest tests, as I struggled to find a direction for my life. The home of another aunt was always a welcome haven. It was always full of activity that an only child never got to experience at home. Perhaps that aunt stands out so largely in my memory because, knowing my interest in writing, she always took the time to ask me if I had written anything lately.

Looking back, I feel as though I pretty successfully numbed myself to being impressed or moved by any individual who may have been able to offer me more. I seemed to always be standing on the sidelines, unable to reach out, and inconspicuous enough that nobody recognized my need to have someone reach out to me. I remember being drawn to a nun who played basketball in the alley with neighborhood kids, but I never knew quite what to say to her, and, I didn’t play basketball. Years later I met a psychology professor who was very bright, very gentle, had a wonderful sense of humor, and who seemed to have immediate insights not only into his clients, but into anyone who walked into the room. A person couldn’t help but be drawn to his warmth and understanding. Somehow, I happened upon books written by Doctor Thomas Dooley who offered his medical skills to the people of southeast Asia. His graphic, yet compassionate stories of individuals who were tortured at the hands of communists move me to this day. During college, I had the honor of staying with the family of a good friend for two semesters. There I experienced warm, lively family life such as I had never enjoyed. Actor Michael Landon, starred in many inspiring television shows, some that he even wrote and directed. Had he not died so young of cancer, I might have decided to look to him as a role model. I have always admired an older cousin who seemed to reached out to bring family members together. With her I have felt some very special moments of connection.

These have been the sum of persons I have admired over the years who have influenced me in some way. Regrettably, I have felt adrift for most of my fifty eight years. Until now. How sad to have not been open to such people before now. How sad to have gone so far through life so empty!

I have met someone who is a Christian and an advocate, whose business has been journalism, and who has a deep sense of purpose. We believe in and support similar things. Yes, this is who I have been seeking all these years! This is the kind of person I want to emulate! As I learn more about him I am growing. Through his strong beliefs, dedicated work ethic, and compassion, I am seeing a person I strongly admire and want to be like. Through his communication skills in both journalism and broadcasting, and his efforts at making the world a better place, I now see in him the kind of person I want to become. Best of all, through his belief in me and my abilities, he encourages me and pushes me to do my best. He affirms me. He makes me a much better person. I think I now know what makes a mentor. I am saddened that it has taken me so many years to find this connection, but I pray that I may enjoy the respite at this oasis for many years to come.