4-17-10 I found myself judging recently - and I didn't like the way it made me feel. What gives me the right to determine if someone is being truthful or not? My reactions were based solely on the superficial. But isn't it true that we do that way too often? First impressions. How a person looks, or acts, or speaks.... Circumstances - only as they appear.
I know it is not always possible to look beyond the immediate, or past the obvious...but shouldn't we try? Not doing so is like knowing only a physical description. We shouldn't forget about the heart.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Saturday, March 20, 2010
3-20-10 How do you get a mentor? Do you choose a mentor? Or does the mentor choose you? Do you have to ask their permission to have them as your mentor? Can you have a mentor without that person ever knowing it? What makes a mentor?
I have often felt cheated because there was never anyone who stood out in my life for any length of time that I longed to emulate. Sadly, looking back, I now know that it was only I who was cheating myself. As a teenager, I had closed down, devastated when my father died. I’d felt abandoned. I had no one, and I was unwilling to trust anyone new. As l look back, there were people along the way who tried to help. One was an aunt who was also a nun and guidance counselor. She tried to help with interest tests, as I struggled to find a direction for my life. The home of another aunt was always a welcome haven. It was always full of activity that an only child never got to experience at home. Perhaps that aunt stands out so largely in my memory because, knowing my interest in writing, she always took the time to ask me if I had written anything lately.
Looking back, I feel as though I pretty successfully numbed myself to being impressed or moved by any individual who may have been able to offer me more. I seemed to always be standing on the sidelines, unable to reach out, and inconspicuous enough that nobody recognized my need to have someone reach out to me. I remember being drawn to a nun who played basketball in the alley with neighborhood kids, but I never knew quite what to say to her, and, I didn’t play basketball. Years later I met a psychology professor who was very bright, very gentle, had a wonderful sense of humor, and who seemed to have immediate insights not only into his clients, but into anyone who walked into the room. A person couldn’t help but be drawn to his warmth and understanding. Somehow, I happened upon books written by Doctor Thomas Dooley who offered his medical skills to the people of southeast Asia. His graphic, yet compassionate stories of individuals who were tortured at the hands of communists move me to this day. During college, I had the honor of staying with the family of a good friend for two semesters. There I experienced warm, lively family life such as I had never enjoyed. Actor Michael Landon, starred in many inspiring television shows, some that he even wrote and directed. Had he not died so young of cancer, I might have decided to look to him as a role model. I have always admired an older cousin who seemed to reached out to bring family members together. With her I have felt some very special moments of connection.
These have been the sum of persons I have admired over the years who have influenced me in some way. Regrettably, I have felt adrift for most of my fifty eight years. Until now. How sad to have not been open to such people before now. How sad to have gone so far through life so empty!
I have met someone who is a Christian and an advocate, whose business has been journalism, and who has a deep sense of purpose. We believe in and support similar things. Yes, this is who I have been seeking all these years! This is the kind of person I want to emulate! As I learn more about him I am growing. Through his strong beliefs, dedicated work ethic, and compassion, I am seeing a person I strongly admire and want to be like. Through his communication skills in both journalism and broadcasting, and his efforts at making the world a better place, I now see in him the kind of person I want to become. Best of all, through his belief in me and my abilities, he encourages me and pushes me to do my best. He affirms me. He makes me a much better person. I think I now know what makes a mentor. I am saddened that it has taken me so many years to find this connection, but I pray that I may enjoy the respite at this oasis for many years to come.
I have often felt cheated because there was never anyone who stood out in my life for any length of time that I longed to emulate. Sadly, looking back, I now know that it was only I who was cheating myself. As a teenager, I had closed down, devastated when my father died. I’d felt abandoned. I had no one, and I was unwilling to trust anyone new. As l look back, there were people along the way who tried to help. One was an aunt who was also a nun and guidance counselor. She tried to help with interest tests, as I struggled to find a direction for my life. The home of another aunt was always a welcome haven. It was always full of activity that an only child never got to experience at home. Perhaps that aunt stands out so largely in my memory because, knowing my interest in writing, she always took the time to ask me if I had written anything lately.
Looking back, I feel as though I pretty successfully numbed myself to being impressed or moved by any individual who may have been able to offer me more. I seemed to always be standing on the sidelines, unable to reach out, and inconspicuous enough that nobody recognized my need to have someone reach out to me. I remember being drawn to a nun who played basketball in the alley with neighborhood kids, but I never knew quite what to say to her, and, I didn’t play basketball. Years later I met a psychology professor who was very bright, very gentle, had a wonderful sense of humor, and who seemed to have immediate insights not only into his clients, but into anyone who walked into the room. A person couldn’t help but be drawn to his warmth and understanding. Somehow, I happened upon books written by Doctor Thomas Dooley who offered his medical skills to the people of southeast Asia. His graphic, yet compassionate stories of individuals who were tortured at the hands of communists move me to this day. During college, I had the honor of staying with the family of a good friend for two semesters. There I experienced warm, lively family life such as I had never enjoyed. Actor Michael Landon, starred in many inspiring television shows, some that he even wrote and directed. Had he not died so young of cancer, I might have decided to look to him as a role model. I have always admired an older cousin who seemed to reached out to bring family members together. With her I have felt some very special moments of connection.
These have been the sum of persons I have admired over the years who have influenced me in some way. Regrettably, I have felt adrift for most of my fifty eight years. Until now. How sad to have not been open to such people before now. How sad to have gone so far through life so empty!
I have met someone who is a Christian and an advocate, whose business has been journalism, and who has a deep sense of purpose. We believe in and support similar things. Yes, this is who I have been seeking all these years! This is the kind of person I want to emulate! As I learn more about him I am growing. Through his strong beliefs, dedicated work ethic, and compassion, I am seeing a person I strongly admire and want to be like. Through his communication skills in both journalism and broadcasting, and his efforts at making the world a better place, I now see in him the kind of person I want to become. Best of all, through his belief in me and my abilities, he encourages me and pushes me to do my best. He affirms me. He makes me a much better person. I think I now know what makes a mentor. I am saddened that it has taken me so many years to find this connection, but I pray that I may enjoy the respite at this oasis for many years to come.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
02-02-10 I received an e-mail today. It was out-dated, and I actually think I may remember reading about this at an earlier date. It told of how natives of Okinawa and Sardinia often live to reach 100 years of age. The reason? They call it “ikigai.” Ikigai means having a sense of purpose…knowing that your life has meaning.
My part-time job as a customer service rep for an insurance agency doesn’t often lend itself to consequential moments, feeling like I made a significant difference in someone’s life. Today, however, I had an inkling of ikigai in my life.
A friend of mine runs an advocacy agency whose focus is compassionate care toward prisoners. In an e-mail exchange with him about a man who has been released from prison, who is trying to survive “on the outside,” and who is threatened with a very possible return to prison if he does not succeed, I had a few small suggestions. My friend asked me if I would make the contacts. That is what I did this afternoon. Sure, there were other things I had planned to get done, that didn’t happen, but this was more important.
I was able to only find a few leads for this man. I had no offers of employment or housing for him, nothing substantial. Still, the friend of this ex-prisoner wrote back almost immediately, full of gratitude – on behalf of herself and the ex-prisoner.
No, I wasn’t able to find a solution to his problems, but I provided information that might lead to a solution, or at least to other leads. I made the effort to try. I believed in him enough to try to help him find a solution…and it felt very, very good. Yes, this endeavor is what ikigai is all about. Would that my life be full of ikigai! Would that everyone be blessed with a chance to feel a similar sense of purpose.
My part-time job as a customer service rep for an insurance agency doesn’t often lend itself to consequential moments, feeling like I made a significant difference in someone’s life. Today, however, I had an inkling of ikigai in my life.
A friend of mine runs an advocacy agency whose focus is compassionate care toward prisoners. In an e-mail exchange with him about a man who has been released from prison, who is trying to survive “on the outside,” and who is threatened with a very possible return to prison if he does not succeed, I had a few small suggestions. My friend asked me if I would make the contacts. That is what I did this afternoon. Sure, there were other things I had planned to get done, that didn’t happen, but this was more important.
I was able to only find a few leads for this man. I had no offers of employment or housing for him, nothing substantial. Still, the friend of this ex-prisoner wrote back almost immediately, full of gratitude – on behalf of herself and the ex-prisoner.
No, I wasn’t able to find a solution to his problems, but I provided information that might lead to a solution, or at least to other leads. I made the effort to try. I believed in him enough to try to help him find a solution…and it felt very, very good. Yes, this endeavor is what ikigai is all about. Would that my life be full of ikigai! Would that everyone be blessed with a chance to feel a similar sense of purpose.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
1-2-10 The subject of faith has emerged three times within my day today. This morning my prayer was to grow in faith. At church, the priest spoke about letting Jesus shine through all we do and say, thus causing observers to grow in faith. Finally, a column in tonight’s paper addressed the subject of fear and how we would be wise to, rather than spend time worrying, instead have faith that God will take care of all our needs.
As 2010 begins, it seems somehow appropriate to think about faith…faith that God will take us wherever we need to be this year…faith that our actions might be a positive influence on somebody somewhere… and faith that, no matter how afraid we are of what may come, God will provide the strength, and the courage, and the tenacity to move forward, toward Him. Indeed, may we grow this year in faith.
As 2010 begins, it seems somehow appropriate to think about faith…faith that God will take us wherever we need to be this year…faith that our actions might be a positive influence on somebody somewhere… and faith that, no matter how afraid we are of what may come, God will provide the strength, and the courage, and the tenacity to move forward, toward Him. Indeed, may we grow this year in faith.
Sunday, December 13, 2009
12-13-09 I haven’t written for awhile. I’m beginning to fall into that pre-Christmas RUT again. I first decide for whom I must buy gifts. I order most of them from catalogues in order to avoid the throngs of holiday shoppers. I make a list of those to whom I will send cards – IF I send cards. Then I hem and haw and create much dissonance within myself until I come to a decision. This year, there is no time for baking…even if I wanted to.
Of course, my efforts are directed at having “the perfect” Christmas. And, of course, that never happens. My expectations surface, I think, from a deep longing for family. I remember family gatherings when I was a child where I felt warm and included and loved. Not having had children, and now being separated, I have not managed to achieve those same warm happy memories from my adult years. I seem to keep looking for that always-just-out-of-reach moment in time that will magically transform my life. So far, it continues to escape me. In its place I am often enveloped by a cloud of gloom, usually making its first appearance on the day after Christmas, and often sticking around until somebody jars me out of my feeling-sorry-for-myself melancholic mood.
This year I am staying busy trying to promote my massage practice. Unfortunately, I have been busy enough that Christmas shopping, present sending, and house decorating have taken back seats. I’ve been invited to a party next week to which I plan to go. I am trusting that gifts I have ordered will arrive in a timely fashion, and that anything that is important enough will get done. I’m trying to focus on the many blessings I have in my life – goodness that is all around me. In small ways, I am trying to impart some of those blessings to others. I am trying to share uplifting thoughts with those who need strength and courage. I’m trying to purchase thoughtful Christmas gifts that will please. I hope my actions will let people know they are appreciated.
I’m not financially well off, but it is at this time of year that I stop to take stock of and to appreciate all that I do have. I am blessed with knowing many wonderful people. I have a home that is heated. I live in a safe town. I do not go hungry. While it would be nice to have more of a “comfort zone,” I am not sinking under great debt. I have great memories from times long past. Tomorrow could bring most anything, but, for now, I will be positive. Today I will focus on good things, and the real meaning of the season.
Of course, my efforts are directed at having “the perfect” Christmas. And, of course, that never happens. My expectations surface, I think, from a deep longing for family. I remember family gatherings when I was a child where I felt warm and included and loved. Not having had children, and now being separated, I have not managed to achieve those same warm happy memories from my adult years. I seem to keep looking for that always-just-out-of-reach moment in time that will magically transform my life. So far, it continues to escape me. In its place I am often enveloped by a cloud of gloom, usually making its first appearance on the day after Christmas, and often sticking around until somebody jars me out of my feeling-sorry-for-myself melancholic mood.
This year I am staying busy trying to promote my massage practice. Unfortunately, I have been busy enough that Christmas shopping, present sending, and house decorating have taken back seats. I’ve been invited to a party next week to which I plan to go. I am trusting that gifts I have ordered will arrive in a timely fashion, and that anything that is important enough will get done. I’m trying to focus on the many blessings I have in my life – goodness that is all around me. In small ways, I am trying to impart some of those blessings to others. I am trying to share uplifting thoughts with those who need strength and courage. I’m trying to purchase thoughtful Christmas gifts that will please. I hope my actions will let people know they are appreciated.
I’m not financially well off, but it is at this time of year that I stop to take stock of and to appreciate all that I do have. I am blessed with knowing many wonderful people. I have a home that is heated. I live in a safe town. I do not go hungry. While it would be nice to have more of a “comfort zone,” I am not sinking under great debt. I have great memories from times long past. Tomorrow could bring most anything, but, for now, I will be positive. Today I will focus on good things, and the real meaning of the season.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
11-28-09 I have been pondering the way my mother would give anything she had to someone if she felt a person had need of it. I remember feeling indignant, thinking that it was she who needed the item, and she who was being victimized by conniving forces.
The older I get, the better I understand what , back then, appeared incomprehensible to me. I am slowly learning that it is truly more satisfying to give than to receive (even if it is difficult to part with items one hasn’t used in years). So why does it take us so long to realize things like this?
The older I get, the commercialism of the holiday season bothers me more and more. This Thanksgiving weekend, as shoppers greedily swarm stores for the best bargains available, I once again find myself disturbed by the gross materialism of it all. Perhaps the older I get, the more aware I am of many who have not. It seems so incongruous that a nation such as ours, a nation that is reputed to be one of the wealthiest, can harbor hungry…and homeless…and those who cannot afford medical care in its midst. Appalling living conditions exist on Indian reservations, in Appalachia, and in city slums. How can a nation of wealth allow such grievous adversity to go unchecked? How can we daily expend exorbitant amounts on unnecessary items that simply crowd our homes while fellow citizens starve and die in our midst?
Therefore, I have decided to begin a mission. When daily newscasts recount grave stories everywhere, and television ads prey on the viewer’s “need” for all they offer, I find myself looking at my own home and possessions with different eyes. How can I live more simply? My mother was constantly “weeding out” and “pitching.” I think I’m beginning to get it. Perhaps by simplifying my life materialistically, I will be able to grow spiritually. Perhaps then I will be able to enjoy the true spirit of the holiday season – not only at Thanksgiving and Christmas but every day throughout the year.
The older I get, the better I understand what , back then, appeared incomprehensible to me. I am slowly learning that it is truly more satisfying to give than to receive (even if it is difficult to part with items one hasn’t used in years). So why does it take us so long to realize things like this?
The older I get, the commercialism of the holiday season bothers me more and more. This Thanksgiving weekend, as shoppers greedily swarm stores for the best bargains available, I once again find myself disturbed by the gross materialism of it all. Perhaps the older I get, the more aware I am of many who have not. It seems so incongruous that a nation such as ours, a nation that is reputed to be one of the wealthiest, can harbor hungry…and homeless…and those who cannot afford medical care in its midst. Appalling living conditions exist on Indian reservations, in Appalachia, and in city slums. How can a nation of wealth allow such grievous adversity to go unchecked? How can we daily expend exorbitant amounts on unnecessary items that simply crowd our homes while fellow citizens starve and die in our midst?
Therefore, I have decided to begin a mission. When daily newscasts recount grave stories everywhere, and television ads prey on the viewer’s “need” for all they offer, I find myself looking at my own home and possessions with different eyes. How can I live more simply? My mother was constantly “weeding out” and “pitching.” I think I’m beginning to get it. Perhaps by simplifying my life materialistically, I will be able to grow spiritually. Perhaps then I will be able to enjoy the true spirit of the holiday season – not only at Thanksgiving and Christmas but every day throughout the year.
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
11-11-09 How little time we – or at least I – spend reflecting on God’s work in our lives! As I sat in church this past Sunday, I thought of three moments from the previous week that seemed to have God’s handwriting on them. A friend wrote to ask if I knew of a lawyer that might provide some assistance, and before I could respond to this message, another e-mail came through from an attorney who was seeking to help! Another friend could not get her car started and had to have it towed for service, but she didn’t have the money to pay for repairs. It turned out that the car had been completely out of gas, and her insurance company would reimburse her for towing! Finally, I had been slacking on a creative writing project. As I looked through my collection of writing, I found a couple of pieces I’d written and forgotten about that had merit. It was the impetus I’d needed to get going again. God is good.
I have been recognizing that I know a number of individuals who are experiencing trials right now. One friend is caring for an aging parent. Another has a sibling who is very ill who is hoping to receive a liver transplant. Another has had a recurrence of cancer. Still another works in a small office in which the daily drama and personalities involved often make it difficult to stay upbeat. An elderly friend is lonely and wants her life to end. Yet, my life – at least for now – seems to have remained relatively unaffected by personal turmoil. Why? Luke 12:48 is the only quote that immediately comes to mind: “…from everyone who has been given much shall much be required….” Touch me, Lord. Show me. Direct me. Lead me to where I can do the most good.
I have been recognizing that I know a number of individuals who are experiencing trials right now. One friend is caring for an aging parent. Another has a sibling who is very ill who is hoping to receive a liver transplant. Another has had a recurrence of cancer. Still another works in a small office in which the daily drama and personalities involved often make it difficult to stay upbeat. An elderly friend is lonely and wants her life to end. Yet, my life – at least for now – seems to have remained relatively unaffected by personal turmoil. Why? Luke 12:48 is the only quote that immediately comes to mind: “…from everyone who has been given much shall much be required….” Touch me, Lord. Show me. Direct me. Lead me to where I can do the most good.
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